Upon further research it seems that I am dealing with forces of pharmaceutical evil far greater than I expected, and it would be ill-advised to proceed sans-advisement.

I shall be visiting my psychiatrist later this week and discuss the issue with him, though I must admit that I don’t like him as much as I used to. Sure, when I asked him about the side effects of xanax he told me things such as dry mouth, constipation, and tiredness, but conveniently he didn’t mention reduced cognitive ability, epsiodic memory loss, depression, and emotional blunting. Gee, thanks.

Also, according to him, my low dosage (of an incredibly potent drug meant to be used on a short term basis of no more than three months) wouldn’t be enough to develop a dependency or an addiction. Right. I’m so convinced by the fact that if I miss a dose I feel ten times worse than before I started taking the medication several years ago.

I don’t even know what it feels like to be unmedicated anymore. I don’t know what it is to just be me, and I want it to stop.

But, benzodiazepines are dangerous, dangerous things, and so I await the opinion of a professional, and then proceed with utmost caution.

So, recently I had an epiphany. For you to understand it though, I first must explain a bit about myself.

In my freshman year of high school I began to experience symptoms of panic disorder, though I only ever had one real panic attack (scariest moment of my life thus far, don’t get me wrong, but I should consider myself lucky for only having that experience once, as most people with the disorder have them on a regular basis).

I started seeing a psychiatrist, and was given alprazolam (xanax) to take on an as-needed basis, when I felt as if I was about to have a panic attack. I never had another full panic attack, but mild symptoms persisted, so my psychiatrist put me on xanax full-time, 1 mg twice a day. I’ve been taking it ever since.

There have been times when I have been off of the medication for periods of time, the longest was about four days, and during that time I felt horrible. I thought, though, that the horribleness was due to panic disorder. It never dawned on me that it was the withdrawal from xanax that was the cause of it.

After plenty of research on the topic, I have decided to try quitting xanax. I know it’s going to be rough for a while, but I hate being dependent on a drug, especially one with as negative a reputation as xanax.

I took my regular dose today, but I plan to start cutting down on it starting tomorrow. Wish me luck!

hivelessmind:

moosecakes:

hivelessmind:

moosecakes:

..so I made a new theme.

It’s dark.

This is fantastic. Though I think the gradient should be a bit less obvious.

Done. And added a title as well.

Much better. I don’t see the title though.

It hides in the shadows.. and is probably less obvious with a less obvious gradient.

hivelessmind:

moosecakes:

..so I made a new theme.

It’s dark.

This is fantastic. Though I think the gradient should be a bit less obvious.

Done. And added a title as well.

..so I made a new theme.

It’s dark.